Castles, Monsters and Aliens
by mezzogal
Summary: Teaser: They were dressed in suitable clothes of the time but in their hands were lethal-looking weapons. "Those don't look very medieval," Amy commented. "They're monsters," Merlin interjected. "Now, Merlin, there's no need to be rude," the Doctor admonished.
1. Chapter 1

1.

The quiet of the woods around Camelot castle was shattered by a loud mechanical wheezing. Suddenly, a large blue box materialized between two trees. Leaves blew wildly out of the way as it appeared.

The door creaked open and a young man with wavy brown hair poked his head out, sniffed the air and looked around. A wide grin spread over his face. He whooped as he bounded out of the box. "Earth, Britain, forest; good Tardis. This is nice."

"What's so interesting about a forest, Doctor?" a girl asked as she followed the Doctor out of the Tardis. She was beautiful and tall with long red hair. She was also wearing an extremely short mini-skirt and looked completely out of place in a forest.

"Can't you smell it, Amy?" the Doctor asked as if it were a very stupid question. "The lovely fresh air, the horse dung, the turf fires? No?"

Amy took a deep breath. "Nope, nothing. When are we?"

The Doctor laughed cheerfully and led Amy through to the edge of the forest. A beautiful castle loomed over the landscape. Its beige towers soared to the sky and pennants fluttered from the walls.

Amy gaped in wonder. The Doctor grinned at her reaction and said: "We're in 520AD. That, Amy Pond, is the city and castle of Camelot."

"Camelot?" Amy repeated. "You're serious?" The Doctor nodded. "Can we go see King Arthur?"

The Doctor gave her a look. Amy began to wither, thinking that she had shown ignorance again. Maybe King Arthur was a myth. But then, the Doctor grinned again. "Of course we can go see King Arthur. Come along, Pond!"

The two bounded through the forest, laughing and chatting. The Doctor kept pointing out shrubs and trees to Amy, who pretended to be interested.

They reached the city with no mishap. The place was bustling as there was a market on. The Doctor delightedly ran from stall to stall in the marketplace, every bit a little boy in a candy story. He insisted that Amy see and try everything there was to offer.

"I'm surprised that it's all so clean," Amy commented as she walked through the city with the Doctor, both of them munching on freshly baked herb bread and cheese. "I always thought the medieval middle ages were dirty. Like there'd be horse dung everywhere and people emptying buckets out of windows."

"Well, I'm sure we can find you some horse dung to step on if you want, Pond," he said teasingly. "They do try to keep clean and avoid the 'vapours'. They believe the 'vapours' create diseases and evilness…" he trailed off as he spotted something. He grabbed Amy's hand and quickly strode forward as the crowd surged, also going in the same direction. "Look, a public flogging. That is textbook medieval middle ages."

"Why is everyone gathering to watch?" Amy asked. "It can't be a very nice sight."

"It's like a car crash," the Doctor explained. "Everyone wants to see. There isn't any YouTube or HBO. This is their form of entertainment."

The crowd was certainly starting to build and a group of particularly eager peasants rudely pushed Amy aside to get a better view.

"Oi!" she protested, but the group did not pay attention. In fact, they were jostling others and attempting to push their way to the front. The Doctor just grinned in amusement at Amy's annoyance.

The guards announced the name of the man to be flogged and that he had been caught housebreaking and stealing. His sentence was 10 lashes and two hours in the stocks. That group of peasants began applauding when the whip began to fall and tear open the man's flesh.

Some other people, like Amy, looked away after a few lashes. The Doctor too, was serious for once – he did not like violence of any kind.

At the sixth lash, the Doctor nudged Amy and made a motion for her to leave. Amy was all too glad to. She did not enjoy that spectacle at all and said so. "It's sick how this is entertainment."

"These are more violent times," the Doctor said. "Come on, let's go see the castle."

Amy brightened up at the suggestion and they both wandered into the beautiful courtyard. Amy had not seen such a castle before. She was used to castles that were dark, empty crumbling ruins. This building was full of light, vibrant and bustling with life – servants hurried around performing their tasks, men in chainmail and large swords practiced in the yard, nobles (clearly, judging by the finery of their dress) bustled around importantly. No one paid Amy and the Doctor any heed.

The Doctor explained that since it was a time of peace, there were few guards and that King Arthur encouraged communication between the ordinary folk and the nobility.

He then led Amy to set of large oaken doors. He quietly opened them and they discreetly slipped inside. There were people inside and, at the front of the hall, the King and Queen sat on ornate thrones.

"Amy, welcome to the court of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere," the Doctor whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

At that moment, King Arthur was listening to a man complain that a business partner had cheated him. The Doctor was paying rapt attention.

Amy however, barely had time to gape at the sight of the legendary King Arthur in action when she spotted some unwelcome visitors in an upper gallery. The peasants that had rudely jostled her before had appeared there. They were hanging off the stone gallery rail and gawking at the proceedings.

"Those peasants are back again," Amy whispered to the Doctor.

A young man wearing a brown jacket and blue shirt who was standing close by heard Amy's comment. He leaned in to whisper: "They're here practically all the time. They hardly ever miss a court session." He shook his head to signify his disapproval.

"You must be here a lot too, if you've noticed them," Amy observed.

"Oh, trust me, if I could get out of attending court, I would," the young man said. "But them," he jerked his head up to the group in the gallery. "Their enthusiasm is disgusting. They're out and about in the town very frequently too. You can't go anywhere without bumping into them."

"Who are they?" the Doctor asked.

The man shrugged. "They're from a village near the border. I don't know what they're doing here. But I wish they'd stop being so creepy."

"What do you mean, creepy?" Amy asked. "I only see them as rude."

"Sometimes I see them around the castle. It's the way they look at you. Like you're some sort of exotic animal. Something's not right," the man replied.

Before he could elaborate further, there was some commotion up front. It seemed that King Arthur had delivered his judgement and was preparing to leave the court. Indeed, some people along the sides and back of the hall were trickling out already. The people in the gallery were also taking their leave.

King Arthur and Queen Guinevere were making their way slowly through the hall. They stopped every now and then to exchange a few words with people they saw. As the royals passed the Doctor and Amy, the King called: "Come on, Merlin, we haven't got all day."

The Doctor and Amy simultaneously turned to gape at their companion who sheepishly replied: "Yes, sire." To them, he said: "Well, I'll see you around then." He then followed the royals out of the hall.

Amy was stunned. Then she punched the Doctor on the arm. "Did we just meet the great and powerful sorcerer Merlin? The Merlin?"

The Doctor looked just as stunned. "Seems to have been," he said.

"But he's young. He looked even younger than me!" Amy pointed out. "I thought Merlin was supposed to be old, with a long beard and pointy hat."

"Hey, don't judge a person by his looks," the Doctor said, pointing at his own face.

Amy rolled her eyes and skipped out of the hall. She wandered quickly down hallways, trying to see everything at once. The Doctor followed in her wake trying to get her to slow down and look closer at something he thought was interesting. Every corner she turned seemed to uncover something new and exotic.

She finally stopped for a rest and sat at an open windowsill that overlooked the sunny courtyard. The Doctor sat beside her, watching her closely, as though trying to gauge if he did good by bringing her here. "I still can't believe we're in Camelot. Proper medieval Camelot. I half think that this is a film set and if I turn a corner I'll see the modern world again," Amy said.

"Nope. Time travel, Pond," the Doctor reminded her. "I can't believe I don't come here more often. It's beautiful. Peaceful. Just relax and enjoy the sights."

No sooner had he spoken these words than the young man they met in the court – Merlin – come barreling out of a side corridor, panting hard like he had just run a long marathon race.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin was all elbows and knees as he crashed into the Doctor and Amy after he barrelled out of a side corridor.

"Whoa there, soldier," the Doctor said, catching him before he lost his balance and flew out of the open window. "Where's the fire?"

"What?" Merlin panted. "Oh, nothing. Nothing's happening," he said evasively. His eyes were fixed on the opening to the corridor.

There was the sound of voices and running footsteps. Soon, two of the rude peasants emerged. They were dressed in suitable clothes of the time but in their hands were lethal-looking weapons. They stopped in their tracks; clearly the presence of the Doctor and Amy had surprised them.

"Those don't look very medieval," Amy commented.

The Doctor stood in front of Amy and Merlin and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. He waved it at the two. "Definitely not medieval. Not of this earth either," he concluded after a quick glance at his screwdriver.

"They're monsters," Merlin interjected.

"Now, Merlin, there's no need to be rude," the Doctor admonished. To the pair, he said: "Who are you? What are you doing here in Camelot? And what are you doing with those guns?"

The pair looked at each other as though in silent consultation. One of them then pointed out: "Clearly, you are off-worlders too. You let us go about our business and we'll let you go about yours, undisturbed. What do you say?"

The Doctor laughed. "You threatened my friend with those gun things of yours and you think I'll going to just walk away? You've got another think coming."

"Don't worry; we won't hurt him. It'll just wipe his memory."

"Obliviator. Ah," the Doctor remarked. "Which suggests you're doing something you don't want the people of this world to know about. Which makes me wonder more, what are you up to? You still haven't answered my original question, by the way: who are you?"

"I think we've answered enough questions for one day," one of the men said as the other suddenly fired his obliviator at them.

Amy screamed. The Doctor waved his sonic screwdriver uselessly at the oncoming energy wave. Merlin jumped forward, flung out his hand and shouted something in an unintelligible language.

The shockwave hit an invisible barrier and dissipated in a flash of light and smoke. When the smoke cleared, the two peasants were gone.

"No, no, no, no, no!" the Doctor exclaimed, running down the side corridor.

"Doctor! This was supposed to be a nice, relaxing holiday," Amy complained as she took off after him. Merlin followed on her heels. Eventually, they emerged at an inner crossroads of corridors. The Doctor was there, pacing in frustration before each corridor opening.

"Lost them!" he exclaimed.

"Lost who? Who were they?" Amy asked. She hated it when he left her in the dark about these things.

"Forget about them. Who are you two?" Merlin demanded.

"I'm the Doctor, this is Amy. And we already know you're Merlin, so no need to introduce yourself," the Doctor fired off. Then he suddenly ran up to Merlin and grabbed his head. "You! You saw something they didn't want you to see. That's why they were chasing you. What did you see?"

"Let go of me!" Merlin yelped, wriggling free from the Doctor's manic grip. "Why should I tell you? You might be one of them."

"We're not," Amy assured him. "We're completely normal. You can trust us."

Merlin still looked doubtful, but he opened up: "I was on the way to fetch some water to clean the floors and I was heading to a well that not many people use. When I got there, that group of peasants was there. Except…" he paused.

"Go on," Amy prompted. "Except what?"

"There was a body on the ground. Except it was flat, like everything inside was gone. And the head was open here," he used his finger to draw a circle around the circumference of his head. "Like a lid. And standing by the well was a monster."

"What did it look like?" the Doctor asked.

"It was tall, green. Huge black eyes. Triangular head. Huge claws," Merlin shuddered when he recalled it. "It saw me, squealed and pointed at me. Then those two came running after me and I fled."

"Doctor, have you ever heard of these creatures before?" Amy asked.

The Doctor nodded. "They're the Slitheen," the Doctor said. "Well, Slitheen is the family name. The creatures are technically from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius. Which makes them Raxacoricofallapatorian."

"Enough with the tongue twisters, more on the body," Amy said sarcastically.

"The last time I met Slitheen they were using humans as disguises. That body was really a suit with the Slitheen inside," the Doctor explained, his hands waving around frenetically.

"It can't be. They were far too big to fit inside. The one I saw was at least this tall," Merlin objected, raising his hand high above his head to indicate the height.

"They use compression technology to squeeze themselves into the skin suit. Makes them fart a lot. But this lot doesn't seem to be doing it. Wait, yes, I remember now, they've updated the technology. Let's them fit into smaller skin suits without the embarrassing gas."

"What are they doing in Camelot?" Merlin asked.

"No idea," the Doctor said cheerfully. "Let's go find out, shall we?" He then marched off down a corridor.

"Not that way, Doctor," Merlin called after him.

"Why? What's that way?" Amy asked.

"Nothing. I just saw those creatures down there," Merlin said, pointing out a window in a nearby corridor.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor dashed through the castle, knocking into people on the way and yelling out apologies. Amy and Merlin followed as best they could. Amy relied more on Merlin's knowledge of the path rather than the Doctor's lead. But by the time they got down to the courtyard that the window overlooked, the people were gone.

Running wildly around the courtyard, the Doctor let out a cry of frustration when he realised that his quarry had eluded him. "They're gone!" he complained to Amy. "We were this close."

Amy personally thought they never got that close but she knew better than to contradict the Doctor when he was in this mood.

"So what now?" Merlin asked.

"We'll have to come up with some other way of finding them," the Doctor said, scratching his head in thought.

"Set a trap?" Amy clarified.

"Precisely," the Doctor replied. "We have to lure them back then find out what they're up to. Cos they can't be up to any good." Then, his countenance changed all of a sudden and he had on his "kid in a candy store" expression again. "Aliens in Camelot. Never thought I'd see that."

"You know, those people are usually around in the town most of the time. They only leave late at night. If you go down to the tavern later tonight, I'm sure you can find some of them," Merlin suggested.

"Medieval tavern, let's go then," the Doctor said enthusiastically.

Merlin led them through the town. The place was still crowded with people and a bit more dingy than what Amy had seen before. This was clearly the real Camelot, where the real citizens lived. Most people let Merlin pass through, after giving him a friendly greeting or wave.

"You seem popular," Amy commented to him.

Merlin blushed. "Seems to be," he said. "Oh look, we're here," he pointed.

The tavern was a large wooden building and looked like the social centre of the community. People were crossing in and out of the building and inside, it was busy and full. Merlin waved at the bartender, asked for three tankards of mead and led the Doctor and Amy to an empty table.

"I don't see any of them," the Doctor said.

"Don't worry, they'll show up," Merlin assured him.

A serving girl brought the drinks to their table and Merlin paid her and gave her a very warm smile. "Cheers," he said, raising his tankard.

Amy drank deeply. She knew her alcohol but this was the best drink she had ever tasted. It was beautifully light and sweet and so fresh. She began to relax and observe her surroundings more.

The Doctor, unable to sit still, had taken a big gulp of his mead and walked over to join a group of men throwing darts. He looked like he fit right in.

Merlin stayed at the table with her and nursed his drink. He looked like he was trying to process the events of the last few hours in his mind.

"Ok, out with it," Amy finally prompted.

"What?"

"You look like you have questions. Go on," Amy said.

Merlin hesitated before asking, "What are 'aliens'? The Doctor was talking about aliens in Camelot earlier."

"Don't you know what an alien is?" Amy asked. Merlin shook his head. "It's a creature from another planet."

"What's a 'planet'?"

Amy was unsure how to reply. "Um… you know the stars, yeah? Well, each star is a sun and planets move around them," she explained. "Earth is a planet," she added hopefully.

Merlin took a while to think about this. "So, those creatures came from the stars?"

"Yes."

"Like gods?"

"No! Definitely not like gods. Gods don't live in the stars," Amy said. Merlin definitely looked like he was struggling with this. "Look, it's simple; out there among the stars, there are places like earth and creatures live on them, just like humans live here."

"Are you and the Doctor aliens?"

"The Doctor is. I'm not. I'm from here. Well, 1,500 years in the future, but from Britain, nevertheless."

"You're from the future?" Merlin asked in surprise.

Amy sighed. "Yes. The Doctor's got this time travel machine and brought me along."

"Why come to Camelot then? I don't think it's a very interesting place."

Amy laughed. "You have no idea how interesting this place really is," she said. "Where I come from, Camelot is a legend, the greatest legend in the whole history of the British Isles. It's one of my favourites too. King Arthur and his knights of the round table." Then, with a teasing gleam in her eye, she added: "Ruling over the golden age of Britain with the help of his powerful sorcerer and wise adviser Merlin."

Merlin was so shocked by this that he choked on his mead and knocked over Amy and the Doctor's tankards. The serving girl noticed and quickly bustled over, complaining loudly about how Merlin was giving her extra work to do by being so clumsy.

"Spoilers, Pond," the Doctor said, appearing suddenly at the table. "And look sharp, you two. Trouble just popped in"


	5. Chapter 5

The door of the tavern had opened and a stream of people flowed in. They were the same peasants that had been in town before. The way they gaped as they looked around the tavern was a clear indication that they did not belong.

Some immediately went to the bar to order drinks while others went to join in the game of darts. A few others wandered around the room once then left.

The other customers were looking askance at them. "They're regulars here," Merlin explained. "They come in almost every night and make a nuisance of themselves. At least the knights aren't here. That's when trouble really starts."

The Doctor looked impatient. The plan was to wait and watch until most of them left then follow them. But they did not seem to be in any hurry. He complained about this to Amy and Merlin.

"I think I know a way to make them leave," Merlin finally offered.

"How?" Amy asked.

"They don't get on with the knights. If I bring some of them here, maybe a fight will break out and the bartender will throw them out."

The Doctor looked doubtful. He was not keen on starting a fight of any kind. But his impatience won him over. "Ok, do that. But try not to start anything. Just make them decide to leave."

"Not a problem," Merlin said. He grinned and slipped away from the table.

It was half an hour before he returned. With him were three men, all well built and exuding confidence. They dressed casually but their clothes were clearly of better material and cut than the rest of the commoners'. They were joking and laughing with each other as they entered and ordered drinks. Merlin winked at Amy and the Doctor as he passed by them.

Amy kept her eyes on the group and noticed that Merlin was plying a certain dark-haired man with more drinks than the rest. This man was certainly getting louder and more boisterous with each drink. Amy pitied whoever this man was that Merlin was setting up to start a fight.

After some time, one of the peasants walked past the table where Merlin and his friends were. Amy noticed Merlin's eyes literally light up and the peasant tripped, fell onto Merlin's drunken friend and emptied his tankard right onto his head.

The friend pushed the peasant off him with a roar and grabbed the front of his shirt. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded loudly. "Why don't you watch where you're going?"

Unfortunately, this peasant Merlin picked was meek and began to apologise profusely and it looked like his friend was also calming down. The Doctor saw this and decided to add oil to the fire: "He's not sorry. I saw him and his friends planning this all along. Thought it'd be funny, they did."

Amy decided to go along with it. "Yeah. It's true. I saw it too."

Merlin's friend frowned and gave the peasant a punch in the face that sent him flying across the room. The group of peasants all rose as one in challenge and Merlin's friends did the same. Both groups started shouting abuse at one another.

Then the bartender entered the fray and came between the two groups with a huge club in his hands. He faced the peasants: "You all can just leave my tavern right now. We don't need any trouble tonight." To Merlin, he said: "You get them under control. You know what happens when a commoner strikes a knight."

The peasants protested but the bartender stood his ground. Eventually, they all filed out, some muttering angrily. Amy and the Doctor slipped out after them and followed at a distance. They could hear them talking over the incident. Some of them were angry but most of them seemed excited to have been part of an almost-fight.

They left the town and entered the forest, walking noisily until they got to a clearing. There was a man there, one of the two who had threatened Merlin earlier. "Done already?" he asked the group. "How was it? Did you enjoy yourselves?" There was a chorus of assent. "Alright, let's get back then. Doesn't look like any of you have been left behind."

He pulled out something from his pocket and aimed it at the ground. As he activated it, beams of light shot out and formed a circle around the group. When the circle was complete, there was a bright flash and then the group was gone.

As that happened, the Doctor leaped out and ran into the clearing. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and hurriedly began scanning the area.

"Did we lose them again?" Amy asked.

"Nope. We did not," the Doctor said, consulting his screwdriver. "In fact, this is brilliant. I am very good with Slitheen teleportation technology. You just watch."

He stood in the middle of the clearing and held his screwdriver up the air. Amy waited. "Is something supposed to happen?" she finally asked.

"They must have updated their technology," the Doctor concluded. "No matter. I've got the coordinates. It's not far. We can catch up with them."

"We are not trekking through the forest in the middle of the night," Amy pointed out.

"Of course not, Pond," the Doctor said. "We go back to the town and get horses." He whooped excitedly at that prospect.


	6. Chapter 6

It turned out that people did not ride horses much in the city and the only horses they could find lived in the royal stables, which were well locked for the night. And since the stables were all made of wood, the sonic screwdriver was not much help.

"Can't you just pick the lock or something?" Amy complained as the Doctor rattled the lock. "What kind of screwdriver doesn't work on wood?"

"Hey! Don't pick on the screwdriver. It can't do everything," the Doctor said defensively. Amy rolled her eyes.

"Er… you two need some help?" The Doctor and Amy turned round and saw Merlin standing sheepishly behind them. "What are you doing anyway?" he asked.

"We need horses," the Doctor said.

"Yes, I concluded that. Why?"

"To chase after the Slitheen. What else for?" the Doctor said impatiently.

Sighing, Merlin pulled out a bunch of keys from his pocket and selected one. He put it in the lock and unlocked the door.

"Why do you have keys to the stables in your pocket?" Amy asked curiously.

"I guess being Arthur's servant has its perks," Merlin replied. He muttered something and the lamp in the corner lit up. Horses in their stalls whinnied at the sudden light.

Merlin selected three horses and began to saddle them.

"We only need two," the Doctor pointed out.

"I'm coming with you," Merlin said, in a tone that brooked no argument. "I know this land. I can help."

"Fine," the Doctor gave in. Soon, all three of them were galloping over the countryside to the coordinates the Doctor retrieved from the teleport site.

They crossed over unkempt fields. "This is wrong," Merlin said. "The crop should be growing now. Everything's been left untended and dying. Why has none of this been reported to Arthur?"

The Doctor said nothing. They passed by a huge barn but kept going. Eventually, they reached a village. It was a very small village but looked completely deserted. Even Amy noticed how still and quiet everything was.

They dismounted and entered the village. The Doctor and Amy walked straight on into the village square but Merlin lit a torch and stopped to investigate a house on the way. He came out almost immediately and gagged. "There's a body in there," he said, coughing. "One of those flat bodies. On the floor."

The Doctor ran in. The body was thrown on the floor like a discarded piece of clothing. "It's a Slitheen body suit," the Doctor said grimly. He looked around the room and opened a cupboard. There was another body suit inside. He ran out and entered another house. Once again, he found a body suit inside. A third house revealed more body suits, this time even one of a child.

"Did they kill the whole village?" Amy asked, looking pale.

"Looks like it," the Doctor confirmed grimly.

"Why would they do such a thing?" Merlin asked in horror. "These were people. Good people."

"Slitheen don't care. They're all about making money and profit. But what sort of business can they have here?" the Doctor wondered. "And where is everyone? The whole place is deserted." He pulled out his sonic screwdriver, gave it a strong shake and tapped it against his palm a few times before consulting it again. "We're in the right place… no wait, hang on, not quite. The coordinates point to that barn we passed earlier."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go then," Amy said.


	7. Chapter 7

Amy did not know much about barns but she was sure this barn was not your usual kind of barn. For one, it seemed far too big for a village this small. And for another, it looked very new and the material seemed to be mimicking wood rather than actually being wood. She had an uneasy feeling as they approached the entrance.

The Doctor strode right up to the doors. "Not locked this time, Pond. Look, it's one of those doors that I can push open with both hands and make a dramatic entrance. I've always wanted to do that."

He put both palms flat on the two huge barn doors and pushed both open at the same time. They opened smoothly. "Alright then. Let's have you."

Merlin's torch lit up the interior of the huge barn as they walked in. There were some tables and chairs in there and a gateway set against the far wall. Framed within its arches was a large crack.

"Huge crack like that, it's amazing the place is still standing," Merlin commented. He walked forward and reached out to touch it but the Doctor nudged his hand away.

"It's not a crack in the wall. It's a crack in the fabric of space and time," he said. "Knock down this wall and the crack would probably still be there, just hanging in mid air over the field." He aimed his sonic screwdriver at the crack, analysing it. "This must be how the Slitheen crossed over to Camelot."

"That's very true, human," a voice behind them said. The three of them quickly turned round and saw two Slitheen, in their true forms, standing in the open doorway, blocking their only escape route. They carried huge weapons in their giant hands. These definitely did not look like the harmless memory wipers they were using in the afternoon. The two creatures advanced, pushing them into a corner.

"Well, that's very opportunistic of the Slitheen," the Doctor said. "And I don't think we've had the pleasure."

"Oh yes, where are my manners?" one of the creatures said. "I am Korst Fex Fotch Sharlaveer-Bar Slitheen. This is my associate, Dram Gogg Thek Lutiron-Day Slitheen."

"I'm the Doctor. This is Amy, and that's Merlin," the Doctor said quickly. Amy gave a small nervous wave.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Korst Fex Fotch said. "Now, goodbye." He levelled his weapon.

The Doctor stepped forward, waving his hands out. "Wait, wait! Before you kill us, what's this all for? What are you doing in Camelot? Come on, you're gonna kill us anyway, what would it hurt to tell us?"

"He does have a point," Dram Gogg Thek noted, turning to his companion.

"I disagree," Korst Fex Fotch answered. "A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. The fewer people know, the better it is. That's just business. No mess, no fuss."

Without any further ado, he fired his weapon. At the same time, Amy screamed, the Doctor brandished his sonic screwdriver and Merlin shouted out something. There was a flash of blinding light that burned even as everyone shielded their eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

When they opened their eyes, they found themselves no longer in the barn. Instead, they were in an entirely different place. Everywhere was bright whiteness and there was no definition for where the floor ended and the walls began, nor where the ceiling was (if there was a ceiling in the first place).

The Doctor, Amy and Merlin were still huddled together and facing the two Slitheen. It was as if they had never moved and their environment was the one that had changed.

"Doctor, where are we?" Amy asked tentatively.

The Doctor was looking all around and waving the screwdriver, attempting to get a reading. "It doesn't work," he said, sounding a little worried.

"What do you mean 'it doesn't work'? It always works," Amy hissed at him.

"Well, it can't do everything!"

Korst Fex Fotch advanced on them, his weapon primed. "What sort of trickery is this?" he demanded. "We were trying to be reasonable and you resort to tricks?"

"Reasonable? You were going to kill us!" Merlin pointed out.

"It's not like you humans aren't replaceable. Humans are statistically proven to have an extremely effective reproduction system. A few removed will be easily replaced," Korst Fex Fotch retorted.

"Oh yeah, kill us, there are a billion more where we came from," Amy sarcastically said.

"Exactly our point, I'm glad you understand," Dram Gogg Thek said.

"I was not agreeing!" Amy snapped.

"Everyone, just shut up!" the Doctor roared. To his surprise, everyone listened to him and stopped arguing. "Now, what we need to do is figure out where we are and how to get back."

"Are we dead?" Merlin asked.

"Yeah, cos they were shooting at us just a second ago," Amy added.

"This is not our doing," Dram Gogg Thek said. We don't have the technology."

"I will get to what technology you have or do not have in a minute," the Doctor said. He held up a warning finger at the two Slitheen. "Now, go stand over there and shush. I'll deal with you later."

Surprisingly, again, the pair did as he ordered and backed away. Once they had done so, the Doctor turned to Merlin: "Just now, when they shot us, you cast a spell, didn't you?"

Merlin nodded. "It was supposed to be a spell to bring us out of the barn and into the village square."

"Right," the Doctor agreed. "And it probably would have worked that way if we weren't standing so close to that crack in the wall."

"What, you mean the crack interfered with my magic?" Merlin asked, sounding scandalised.

"Yes, I mean exactly that," the Doctor said.

"So, we're not dead?" Amy asked hopefully.

"No, Pond, we're not," the Doctor replied. "We're in that wibbly wobbly in between place." Then, with extreme glee in his voice, he added: "We are, literally, _no where_."

"Right, so how do we get _some_where?" Amy asked.

"I'm not sure yet," the Doctor admitted cheerfully. "Isn't that brilliant? I love not knowing things." Before Amy or Merlin could retort, he abruptly strode over to the Slitheen who immediately stood on guard. "And speaking of not knowing things, come on, let's have your side of the story. How did Slitheen possess time travel technology? Cos I know for a fact that your people do not have such technology at this specific time."


	9. Chapter 9

"Out with it, explain yourselves," the Doctor ordered to the Slitheen. "And you can put away those weapons. They don't work here. The rules don't apply."

It looked like the two Slitheen struggled to process this bit of information. Korst Fex Fotch even experimentally attempted to fire his weapon but nothing happened – not a single cough or sputter. He finally gave up.

"It seems we have no choice but to accept what you say for now, Doctor," Korst Fex Fotch said, in a defeated but defiant tone. "Dram Gogg Thek, you know the technology best, perhaps you should do the explaining."

"If you insist, Korst Fex Fotch," Dram Gogg Thek said.

It turned out that the two of them, together with two others had come across a crack one day back on Raxacoricofallapatorius. Over time, they noted that it widened and behaved like a portal. Since some of them were technology specialists, they analysed the crack and discovered that while it emitted light, there was no heat nor any other measurable reading given out. When they simply went close to it, they heard Silence.

"What do you mean, 'Silence'?" the Doctor asked. "How can you hear silence?"

"Our theory is this," Dram Gogg Thek explained. "It is popularly postulated that silence is the absence of sound. While that, in itself, is quite true, what people do not realise is that there is no such thing as a complete absence of sound. Even in the quietest of places, there is always the sound of air, atoms, subatomic particles all rubbing up against one another. This means, the popular definition of silence is flawed. It should, properly speaking, mean the absence of most sounds. However, the crack was completely silent."

After discovering that disturbing fact, the Slitheen had left the crack alone until one day, they discovered an acorn on the floor near the crack. Since there were no acorns on Raxacoricofallapatorius, nor any chance of anyone having brought an acorn to the area, they were naturally curious and reopened tests on the crack.

Very soon, they realised that the crack was a gateway to another place. Eventually, they decided to take the plunge and go through it. Korst Fex Fotch and another of their associates were the first to go through and they brought back reports that it emerged in medieval Camelot.

"And so, our associates began wondering how we could use this gateway," Dram Gogg Thek said. "After all, there had to be a reason why we found it, and why we managed to pass through unharmed. Eventually, we decided to bring others along. Medieval Camelot on earth is a beloved legend all over the galaxy after all. And so here we are. No harm was done, and everyone's happy."

"Everyone except the people you slaughtered from the village," the Doctor noted.

"We needed to be able to blend in with the locals," Dram Gogg Thek replied. "Have you seen us? We'd cause a panic if we walked into Camelot in our own skin. No, best we prepare the suits first. We prepared them humanely, if that's any consolation."

"No, it's not," the Doctor said. "And what happens after the bodies wear out? I've seen how you lot treat them, tossing them around willy nilly."

"We've told our clients to treat the suits with respect and care," Dram Gogg Thek said. "Damages and repairs are paid for by the clients and an additional penalty is levied if the suit is damaged beyond repair and requires the acquisition of a new one."

Merlin was shaking with rage. "Stop talking about the bodies like they're old clothes!" he burst out. "They were people! You murdered them! I won't let you do it to any more innocent people."

"Now, Merlin, there's no need to get angry. I'm sure we can talk this through peacefully," the Doctor said. Amy moved to stand by Merlin and took his hand in an attempt to calm him down.

"Let's look at this reasonably. I'm sure we can find a mutually beneficial solution," the Doctor began. "I'm sure you understand why he's angry. He's a local after all. And earth is a primitive place during this time. But ultimately, you can't keep up this… this… tourist business of yours."

"And why not, Doctor? Everything has been going well. I see no reason to stop," Korst Fex Fotch asked.

"Because what you're doing is illegal. The Raxacoricofallapatorian authorities have outlawed time travel, and for good reason too. Your kind are just too opportunistic," the Doctor said.

"First rule of business, Doctor, is to have contacts in high places," Dram Gogg Thek said. "Our enterprise has, shall we say, authorisation."

"Fine," the Doctor said. "Chew on this then: that crack is dangerous. Haven't you wondered where it came from? What side effects prolonged exposure and use will do to you? To the whole fabric of time and space? Because, let me tell you, that crack is not the only one I've seen. Do you know what it is? It's an explosion. An explosion that's off in the distance and coming this way, and the cracks are the fault lines. You are standing right in the path of certain death, but instead of running, what do you do? You decide, let's use it and jump in and out, and open the fault line bigger so the impact can hit us sooner; that's what you're doing. Pardon me if I don't care about you and your profit margin. I want to save the many worlds out there, worlds that include Camelot and possibly even your own Raxacoricofallapatorius, and I will do it in any way possible. And, if you, as competent businessmen, know who I am, then you'll know that I always follow through with what I say and that's why you are going to shut down your business."

The two Slitheen hesitated, whether due to genuine indecision or if they were buying time to decide how to best turn down the demand. It was a hesitation that was too long for Merlin. "If you don't stop it right now, then I will. Because Camelot is my home and I will not let any alien destroy it." He paused for one last time to see if they would respond. They did not. His whole demeanour tightened with determination. Without thinking about what he was doing, he put out his hand to cast a spell and white light blinded them all again.


End file.
